My rating: 1 of 5 stars
Guess who got an ARC from Edelweiss for this title? 😛 I’ll likely read it alongside some of the other NA and YA titles I’ve received from them, it’s just a matter of when.
Never mind, wrong book. I’ll have to read this one before I read the sequel.
Post-read: I can’t decide whether I want to rate this 1 star or 1.5 stars, because it really wasn’t as bad as other reads I’ve had in the genre, but at the same time, there were too many things that annoyed me about this book. I really did not like the heroine, she was incredibly stupid and not endearing to me at all. Garrick felt like a British character written by an American author – did not sound the least bit authentic to me. While I can say he definitely didn’t fit into the typical NA hero that I’ve read in other stories thus far (he was actually much nicer in fact), the inaccuracies surrounding his character and the fact that there’s a POV change in the epilogue where his voice didn’t really sound that authentic either tipped the balance for me.
It’s a fluffy read, but I had too many issues with it. And I’ll admit the cover’s really not romantic at all. It’s just showing the hero’s pale chest and the heroine looking like she’s not exactly comfortable. =/
“Screwed” (featuring the cast of Cora Carmack’s “Losing It”)
Author’s notes: If you guys didn’t think I was crazy before, you’ll probably think twice after reading this. I wanted to do a lyrical review for Carmack’s Losing it and somehow with the craziness of the storyline, a wacky, dynamic tune that would highlight it perfectly. (It probably doesn’t help that I came from an Animaniacs marathon of things on Youtube just prior to writing this…”I’m Mad” came to mind and then this came to life. Alongside a rewatch of “An American Tail.” Don’t blame me if your brain is broken after reading this.)
This might have some crude language and adult content, but it isn’t anything that wasn’t in the book.
Yeah, not much else to say other than I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did writing it. I didn’t like the book, but I figured I’d have fun with this all the same. I almost wish it’d been written in this way because it would’ve been more hilarious to have a lyrical play on words. Then again,maybe not.
Wake up, wake up, girl – today’s an important day,
It’s been long enough that people think you’re gay,
Don’t look at me like that!
Do it now, up and at ’em,
A man, you need to grab him
And get this pesky thing called virginity out the way!
Knowing Kelsey is my friend,
I’m sorry that I have to pretend
That this doesn’t worry me, no, not at all.
So I’ll put a smile on my face,
Get my sexy skirt into place,
And out the door I go, just hope I don’t fall.
Garrick: *spoken in most exaggerated accent ever* Oh hullo there, love!
Oh my word, his accent is so cute!
He’s pale, British, and charming to boot.
I wonder if I can get him in my bed
But oh my gods, I’m so dead
Standing over there is Kelsey
And she’s screaming in the phone “Woman, after, call me!”
I don’t want, I don’t want!
I’ll put it in CAPS SIZED FONT;
I’m not the least bit interested in getting screwed.
Kelsey (aside): Yes you are! You told me!
Not now, I’m not, I’m NOT!
It makes my insides rot.
From these feelings that I’ve fought,
I’m giving it a second thought.
I’m scared, I’m scared,
I’m really, really scared!
I’ve come into this so unprepared!
Garrick: Bliss, wait just a minute…
I think I may not make it,
Oh my Gods, he’s so naked
And I don’t know what to say!
On the floor, out the door, I’ll make my getaway!
Out in the parking lot tonight,
Left him there, it’s not right,
But I figured he would laugh in my face.
Wait a minute, I left my keys!
Even while he was saying “Please!”
I’m an idiot, ’cause I ran from my own place!
I don’t know what’s wrong with Bliss,
We shared far more than a kiss,
But then she gets her things, running out the door.
Was it something that I did or said
That left her seeing red?
There goes my dignity, like my clothes, on the floor.
Just another day, I start it with a cheer,
Last of my senior year.
The night before made me like a leecher.
But then I walk into class,
Who’s that I’m strolling past?
Oh for the love of… I nearly screwed my teacher!
Cade: (in a crooning, melancholy style)
I wish I could say
That I had another day
When Bliss would know me as more than a friend.
But up to the night she was pissed*
After spin the bottle, we deeply kissed
That was the point I could no longer pretend.
Bliss (resumes rhythm)
My best friend is in love with me,
Please say it’s not to be,
Because I don’t want to lose him over this.
But I can’t stop thinking of him,
And my hindsight is dim,
The things I want to do with him are way more than a kiss.
But then I think he thinks I’m stupid
Whenever I’m hit by Cupid,
Making excuses why I ran out the night of that,
But I always tend to choke,
And even though I’m broke,
To keep up the lie, I have to buy that mean ol’ cat.
Female gray cat named Hamlet: *hisses*
She’s my theater student, it’s so forbidden,
We have to keep our relations hidden,
Though the devil may be whatever for,
But then upon the stage,
She’s mauled with kisses by a page**,
And my anger boils til’ I can’t take it anymore.
Cade (in a crooning, melancholy style):
And alas, but it seems,
My love only exists in dreams,
Not returned by the one for whom I have longed.
Though I try to keep a straight face,
My lonely heart feels out of place,
And I wander, knowing not where I’ve belonged.
Audience: Oh no…
First Cade, then Garrick broke my heart,
Though by then, I knew we were apart,
Guess that it wasn’t meant to be, can’t kiss and tell.
But then I realize
A haze hits my eyes,
And suddenly I’m not feeling very well…
Garrick Oh bloody hell…*stops music* it’s mono. We both got it because of that night you were pissed playing spin the bottle.
Cade Why are you saying “bloody hell”?
Garrick *shrugs* I’m British, explains the vampiric paleness, my use of “love” after everything, and my irresistible accent. Just go with it. There are so many other stereotypes we’re running in this, anyway.***
Cade:*grumbles* Fine. *restarts music*
I’m in love, I’m in love,
My heart is a little dove,
Flying about inside of me,
And to think that what I’ve lost,
I don’t mind paying the cost,
That by the end of this tale, I’ve lost my virginity!
Cast: And that’s the end, my friend…
Cade: Though next book, I’ll lament again…****
Cast: But for now, we’re saying goodbye! Goodbye!
*pissed = drunk
**Not really, considering it’s a guy in Bliss’s class around her age, but I needed something to rhyme here.
***There are so many stereotypes in this novel for a romance, for depicting a British hero, and for a NA work, I couldn’t begin to name them all. Some of them had me rolling my eyes a while.
****Cade’s one of the protagonists in “Faking It” – the next book in this series, though I won’t make the whole review verse, like I did this one.
Overall score: 1/5